Loss is a Rollercoaster

The thing most top of mind this week is our kitten's passing a few days ago. I'm not quite sure what or how to write about it. Loss is a rollercoaster is the main thought that comes to mind.

Honestly, it sounds perhaps laughable to be grieving over a stray kitten we had adopted for only a week, before handing her over to a new carer, who left her unattended long enough to be hit by a car and perish. It seems too short to grieve, but it feels deeper than that. It cuts deeper than that. There's sadness, anger, disappointment, and regret. There are justifications and wishful thoughts. There's mortality. Unavoidable mortality. Gone without cause or explanation. At least no real convincing explanation, though I’ve heard many.

There's one particular experience in my life with loss that I'm always reminded of. When I was an adolescent, my younger cousin died in a car crash. A driver asleep at the wheel slammed into my uncle's car, taking the one-year-old’s life and seriously injuring my aunt.

The night before the accident, I had a dream that for many years haunted me, and now leaves me with room for humility and hope. I was at a playground, pushing my baby cousin on a swing while other children were joyfully at play. Soon, I was alerted it was time to take her home. The other children were saddened and pleaded to allow her to stay. It wasn't up to me, and so I placed her in the basket of my bike, and we rode a flying bicycle to the clouds. There, we reached a door. I knocked. Out came two people, two figures of light. I asked if they could allow her to stay longer, but they kindly explained it was her time to go.

Moments later, I woke up, amazed at how real the dream had felt. In fact, I rushed down to share the story with my mother, only to find my aunt visiting our home. I decided it would be odd to share. And yet a few hours later, as they set off for our family trip out of town, the accident occurred—and my cousin died. As we got the call, in shock, all I could think of was the dream.

I can't say with any certainty what happens to those who pass, or what will happen to us all, but I can’t imagine it's bad.

Take no one for granted, human or otherwise.

Naser